Monkey Number 1 Says

Blatantly stolen from the inter-web:


The new Indiana Jones movie opens on Thursday. Apparently, there’s a crystal skull involved. Granted, if it’s anywhere near as valuable as a crystal egg, we wonder why Indiana’s parents left him alone with it in the first place. Whatever. Here’s a Stanley Cup finals preview with a little help from Harrison Ford’s second-greatest character. (The greatest, of course, being the lawyer who got shot in the head and learned to love.)

Marion: You're not the man I knew ten years ago.
Indiana: It's not the years, honey, it's the mileage.

The Detroit Red Wings have 14 players who are 30 years of age or over. The Pittsburgh Penguins have seven, and only Sergei Gonchar, 34, is a big factor. If the Wings had played a bunch of long, gruelling series, their age might go against them. Instead, they’ve lost just four times in the postseason, so there’s been plenty of time to rest the old bones. Not to mention, the NHL gave both teams most of the month of May to prepare for each other.

Indiana: Fortune and glory, kid. Fortune and glory.

Everyone’s talking about the experience of Detroit’s forwards (like Kris Draper and Dallas Drake) and defencemen (like Nicklas Lidstrom and Chris Chelios) versus the Pens’ relatively unproven roster of skaters, but how about goalie Chris Osgood, 35, compared to 23-year-old Marc-Andre Fleury? The last young goalie to win it all was Carolina’s Cam Ward, who took home the Conn Smythe Trophy as a 22-year-old in 2006. Before then, it was Martin Brodeur as a 23-year-old in 1995. Fleury’s been outstanding so far, but the Stanley Cup finals are a whole new level of pressure.

Indiana: You want to talk to God? Let's go see him together, I've got nothing better to do.

It’s not just the Wings’ players who boast experience. Detroit coach Mike Babcock has been to the finals before, with Anaheim in 2003. The furthest Pens coach Michel Therrien has been prior to this season is the second round. Oh, and Babcock’s got Scotty Bowman on his side as a consultant. Thus, the God reference.

Indiana: Those aren't big birds, sweetheart! They're giant vampire bats!

Scary stuff. Almost as scary as the offensive firepower in this series. Somewhere, Hal Gill has been hyperventilating since Sunday. Pittsburgh and Detroit feature the top five scorers of this year’s playoffs: Henrik Zetterberg and Sidney Crosby both have 21 points while Pavel Datsyuk, Marian Hossa and Evgeni Malkin each have 19.

Indiana: I'm allowing you to tag along. So why don't you give your mouth a rest. Okay, doll?

It’s an obscure quote from the Temple of Doom, but there isn’t any other way to broach the subject of Jarkko Ruutu, who leads Pittsburgh with 24 postseason PIM. After all, dumb penalties could be the death of whichever team takes them. Detroit’s power play is clicking at 21.3 percent in the playoffs, Pittsburgh’s 25.0